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Understanding Options in the Divorce Process
June 2014
By Susan J Buniva, MSW, LCSW
Divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic life transitions that any individual or family may encounter. Though not the outcome anyone envisions when they marry, it is the ultimate reality for half of all marriages. We have choices about how we handle this process to either escalate the trauma and wounds, or create opportunities for healing and growth. The collaborative approach to divorce seems to offer the greatest opportunity to minimize further pain and conflict, while empowering couples to use their strengths, maximize choices, and set the stage for a cooperative co-parenting partnership, while learning new skill essential to good co-parenting.
The two key differences between Collaborative Practice and the conventional adversarial model are the pledge to reach an agreement without going to court and the opportunity to learn new skills. In this context a group of collaboratively trained professionals that includes lawyers, mental health coaches, and financial neutrals work as a team to facilitate the development of this agreement by the couple and offer new learning to optimize empowerment and family health. The goal is to develop effective relationships that work to respectfully solve problems for the good of the entire family. More information about the collaborative law approach to divorce can be found at the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, www.collaborativepractice.com
Divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic life transitions that any individual or family may encounter. Though not the outcome anyone envisions when they marry, it is the ultimate reality for half of all marriages. We have choices about how we handle this process to either escalate the trauma and wounds, or create opportunities for healing and growth. The collaborative approach to divorce seems to offer the greatest opportunity to minimize further pain and conflict, while empowering couples to use their strengths, maximize choices, and set the stage for a cooperative co-parenting partnership, while learning new skill essential to good co-parenting.
The two key differences between Collaborative Practice and the conventional adversarial model are the pledge to reach an agreement without going to court and the opportunity to learn new skills. In this context a group of collaboratively trained professionals that includes lawyers, mental health coaches, and financial neutrals work as a team to facilitate the development of this agreement by the couple and offer new learning to optimize empowerment and family health. The goal is to develop effective relationships that work to respectfully solve problems for the good of the entire family. More information about the collaborative law approach to divorce can be found at the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, www.collaborativepractice.com
Divorce coaches will provide you with critical support during this difficult and demanding time and guard against the process becoming adversarial, as divorce often does. The Team will reduce the emotional intensity of the divorce by separating the legal and practical issues from the emotional issues that could not be resolved in your marriage. If there are children, the Team will help you develop the skills you will need to effectively co-parent during the separation and following the divorce, ensuring that the needs of the children are treated as a priority. Both parties will learn techniques for listening and speaking that will move the process forward. The Financial Neutral will work with both parties to make sure they both have a clear understanding of all financial issues and a voice in reaching the best financial outcome for the family. The power to make such decisions is taken from a judge and given back to the family with guidance and help along the way from the most appropriate professional for each step, working together as a team. Though the intent of this approach is to help families come up with durable agreements, sometimes circumstances change or unforeseen problems and challenges arise. The Team will always remain available to the family down the road as a resource so that families should never have to go to court to resolve a problem and simply have professionals they trust to whom they can turn for guidance in times of uncertainty or conflict.
There is no one size fits all approach to divorce as every family is different but in considering how you and your family want to move through this difficult time, it is important to understand all the options that are available.
There is no one size fits all approach to divorce as every family is different but in considering how you and your family want to move through this difficult time, it is important to understand all the options that are available.
