True Friendships (con't)
Hetzler shares some of what she learned working with Jericho’s Girls, the women’s group she founded that focuses on dismantling unhealthy walls:
• First, identify the walls you have. We build walls in response to many things – real and perceived threats, fears, conditioning, rejection, Hetzler says. Many of us put up walls to hide our weaknesses; if you have trouble asking for help, this may be you! Jericho’s Girls members learned that acknowledging and being honest about their weaknesses allowed them to grow stronger. And that asking for help from friends offers those friends the gratification of giving. Making a list of your walls and understanding why they’re there is a good place to start the process.
• If the wall is unhealthy, identify the steps necessary to dismantle it. Sometimes we erect walls to protect ourselves from ourselves, Hetzler notes. “One of my walls revolved around being needed too much,” she says. “I tend to take on a lot, and then exhaust myself getting it all done.” She realized she built a wall to prevent people from seeing that she really cannot do it all, and she pushed away those she feared might demand too much of her time and energy. She dealt with that wall by setting limits with herself and others. “I say no when I need to, which allows me to build friendships instead of pushing people away.”
• Arm yourself with words of inspiration. Powerful words help when we need positive reinforcement or reassurance when the way ahead looks scary. Hetzler has found that calling upon a quotation that she believes in provides both. “Write down the quotes, Bible verses or other inspiration that have great meaning for you,” she says. Each day, read one, reflect upon the meaning, pray or meditate, and contemplate the message it holds for you. “These words will stick with you, and you’ll have them to call upon when you need them,” she says.
Creating deeper, honest friendships begins with opening our hearts to others, Hetzler says. “When you begin taking down the walls, you’ll find you’re more at peace with yourself,” she says. “And that allows you to develop the wonderful relationships that come from trust and sharing.”
Dawna Hetzler owns a real estate firm and is an author and speaker focusing on women’s groups and retreats. She wrote Walls of Warriors based on her experiences with Jericho Girls – a group of women who meet to discuss the walls they build around their hearts.
• First, identify the walls you have. We build walls in response to many things – real and perceived threats, fears, conditioning, rejection, Hetzler says. Many of us put up walls to hide our weaknesses; if you have trouble asking for help, this may be you! Jericho’s Girls members learned that acknowledging and being honest about their weaknesses allowed them to grow stronger. And that asking for help from friends offers those friends the gratification of giving. Making a list of your walls and understanding why they’re there is a good place to start the process.
• If the wall is unhealthy, identify the steps necessary to dismantle it. Sometimes we erect walls to protect ourselves from ourselves, Hetzler notes. “One of my walls revolved around being needed too much,” she says. “I tend to take on a lot, and then exhaust myself getting it all done.” She realized she built a wall to prevent people from seeing that she really cannot do it all, and she pushed away those she feared might demand too much of her time and energy. She dealt with that wall by setting limits with herself and others. “I say no when I need to, which allows me to build friendships instead of pushing people away.”
• Arm yourself with words of inspiration. Powerful words help when we need positive reinforcement or reassurance when the way ahead looks scary. Hetzler has found that calling upon a quotation that she believes in provides both. “Write down the quotes, Bible verses or other inspiration that have great meaning for you,” she says. Each day, read one, reflect upon the meaning, pray or meditate, and contemplate the message it holds for you. “These words will stick with you, and you’ll have them to call upon when you need them,” she says.
Creating deeper, honest friendships begins with opening our hearts to others, Hetzler says. “When you begin taking down the walls, you’ll find you’re more at peace with yourself,” she says. “And that allows you to develop the wonderful relationships that come from trust and sharing.”
Dawna Hetzler owns a real estate firm and is an author and speaker focusing on women’s groups and retreats. She wrote Walls of Warriors based on her experiences with Jericho Girls – a group of women who meet to discuss the walls they build around their hearts.